Blurry
by Majorikku
Summary: Songfic based on Ken and his feelings and how he copes with his attacks caused by the Spore. Reference to YaoiKensuke Song: Blurry


Title: Blurry

Genre: Sonfic (Romance/Angst)

Yaoi Pairing: Kensuke

Credits for song: "Blurry" by Puddle of Mudd

Disclamer I do not own Digimon…..yet. Nor do I own Blurry in anyway. Well, except my writing of this. Which is called Blurry as well….Xx"

Author's Note- First off, this fic is my first songfic (yikes). I'll take comments that are harsh or not, to help me improve (those nice ones are well liked…." ). This fic was written while I was in severe pain, because Ken represents part of myself. No seriously, I felt like my abdomen was going to explode. Well, I hope you enjoy and review if you liked or not. Thanks again!

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**Everything's so blurry and everyone's so fake—**

It was raining. A solid rain, peaceful and layered, a calm spring shower. It was Saturday? Maybe it was Sunday, but whatever the day it matter little to the boy walking home. He wore a black shirt, no imprint on it other than the droplets of rain falling onto him. He wore khaki shorts, as if the humidity was higher than it was, which was not the case. His tennis shoes splashed puddles of mud onto his legs. His lavender hair was disheveled and hung loosely in his face. He had a pale complexion that was reflected off of the gray atmosphere around him. The warmth, and glimmer in his once bright gray eyes were now dimmed into solitude, as they followed the path seemingly laid out in his mind. He walked the steps to his home, turning the doorknob and entering inside the dark house, removing his muddy shoes at the door. No one was home, which was not unusual. He was usually alone. Walking into his room, he made sure that Wormmon was sleeping before looking around the darkness. Nothing made any sense to him anymore anyway. Wandering into the small bathroom of their house, he shut the door and locked it behind him. He went to the sink, hanging his head and looking to the shining porcelain, rather than the mirror in front of him.

**Everybody's empty and everything is so messed up—**

He lifted his eyes, bringing their lifeless expression to look back at his own reflection in the glass. The dark circles encompassed his eyes, making them look dark, as if sleep had been hard to achieve lately. His cheeks were tinted a shallow pink by the slight bitterness of the outside. His eyes were lit slightly, as if tears had occupied them a little while earlier. He put a hand to his reflection, shaking his head slowly, and looking over every little detail. This boy, once the most powerful being in the Digital World…now reduced to a mere shadow.

**Preoccupied without you I cannot live at all—**

He looked away, flashes of memory from the day running through his mind and reaching back to him. His life force, the boy he had given up everything for. He looked back to the mirror, as it began to swirl and reform as the image of the Crest of Courage's holder. He reached a hand again, beginning to shake all over. "Dai…Daisuke…."

**My whole world surrounds you—**

He held a hand to the mirror, to the boy looking back at him and smiling….smiling that beautiful smile of his. Ever since first meeting the digidestined, he wanted to be with him more than anything. To hold him in his arms, to be embraced by this boy and to be told everything was all right. That everything was…all right.

**I stumble—**

Suddenly his body began to convulse and his gentle eyes grew wide in pain. He grabbed at his body with his fragile arms, embracing his shaken self. Another attack. He had been having them more recent since returning from becoming the Digital Kaiser. They were so painful, bringing back memories of things that should forever remain forgotten, that had been removed from memory, or that had never needed to happen at all. His body stumbled backward, wobbling through the small bathroom.

**And I crawl—**

His cold body, lost in the blurred vision and confusion of swirling memories, soon fell to the floor in a crumpled heap. Breathing heavily, he tried to push himself up, only crawling to reach the handle of a drawer in support of his weight under the gravity, which seemed to increase on his fragile self. He pulled himself up, struggling as the pain shot up his spine and he fell into the sink, catching himself.

**You could be my someone; you can be my scene—**

**You know that I'll protect you from all of the obscene—**

"Dai….suke…h….he—" His eyes widened again as he bent forward, one arm latched to the sink to keep his balance during the attack, and the other hand on his forehead as it split in severe pain. It was like a migraine that would never end. A horrible memory replaying again and again, never able to be stopped or deleted. He hated himself for every bit of it.

**I wonder what you're doing; imagine where you—**

**There's oceans in between us but that's not very far—**

_**can you take it all away **_

_**can you take it all away **_

_**well you shoved it in my face **_

_**this pain you gave to me **_

_**can you take it all away **_

_**can you take it all away **_

_**well you shoved it in my face **_

**_this pain you gave to me—_**

Regaining little composure, he lifted his head again, averting his eyes to the mirror and to his Daisuke in the mirror, still there, still smiling. The lavender hair shook with his body as he graced the reflection of his lover with a smile. He wondered what Daisuke was doing right now, as his own body was breaking into pieces. He gave a smug grin, as smug as he could be with his body held in seizure. "Y-You're pro-probably thinking of…..h-h-her…." He knew Daisuke was in love with Hikari, and he hated this fate more than anything in the world. The way he looked at her. The way he smiled around her, laughed around he. He wanted that for himself. Yet he knew…this was not a logical way to end things. After all, he was a boy, as was Daisuke. Even as his genius brain knew it, analyzed it, and understood it, he would never accept it. He loved Daisuke. That was all that mattered in the end.

**Everyone is changing, there's no one left that's real—**

He looked away, squinting his eyes from the pain. The attack was getting worse. During attacks, it was hard for him to even realize why he was there anymore. Why he was needed. The other digidestined hated him and turned away from helping him. He never blamed them for any of this, after all, it was his own fault. He understood this. He understood it too well. Why was he here? He had caused so much pain, so much loss. It wasn't right for someone like him to continue living, after having caused so much sorrow and misery. No one trusted him…and if they said they did, they only lied to him. They were fake, and they only wanted to keep him from the truth. But he knew better, after all, he was incredibly bright. It was hard for anything to pass him without him knowing about it. He trusted no one, because no one was real anymore. No one except…

**Make up your own ending and let me know just how you feel—**

"Daisuke…." Finally a full word able to be admitted from his mouth. His thoughts lingered to the boy, and why he loved Hikari. He felt like ripping in half as the pain shot up his spine once more. This girl, this Hikari of light…what was so important about her to him? She wasn't that wonderful, and besides that fact, Takeru was in love with her. He knew this, as Hikari was in love with Takeru as well. Both were always together, always happy and cheerful and full of a light that the Digital Kaiser wished to reach out and capture for his own. It was a light he knew he could never have.

**Cause I am lost without you, I cannot live at all—**

He held his head, closing his eyes and running his mind to try and destroy all signs of these memories and thoughts. His mind told him to forget, but he didn't want to forget. He loved this boy with goggles and wanted to cherish his memory forever, no matter the pain it brought.

**My whole world surrounds you; I stumble then I crawl—**

He stumbled forward, hitting the sink and pushing his head onto the mirror. His mouth opened, letting a small screech of pain emanate throughout the tiny bathroom as it echoed off the walls and back to his crumbling body. His body fell into seizure again, his limbs popping with the convulsing and colors swirling in his mind.

**You could be my someone; you can be my scene—**

**You know that I will save you from all of the unclean—**

His legs gave out, cracking under the pressure of his convulsions, and he fell to the floor, lying there, trying to remain awake. He felt his mind fall back. His body suddenly became limp with his conscience fading away from reality. The darkness was claimed by his locked memories and soon he was sent into a world of dreams.

**I wonder what you're doing; I wonder where you are—**

**There's oceans in between us—**

Fading through the mist of another world in his own thoughts was himself. Standing in darkness, looking, wondering, crying. Crying and crying, tears flowing like rivers. His speech in his mind was clear again, "Why can't I get better? What's wrong with me? Why am I in love with…" His voice faltered and was taken by the dream, leaving him to his muted sobs.

**But that's not very far—**

Suddenly, a warm hand touched his shoulder, and before the Digidestined of Friendship could turn his head quick enough, he was caught in a warm and loving embrace. The scent of rain was caught on the others clothing, and he soon realized who it was. The warmth and the strength in his arms, "Daisuke…" His own arms, frail and shaking, embraced the other as well. There was no sound from this other boy, but he didn't need to hear him speak. All he wanted was to hold him, and never let go.

**Can you take it all away—**

But the darkness faded once more.

**Can you take it all away—**

And his eyes reopened in a world where Daisuke was no longer with him. A world where he was able to sit up straight again, but not without first grabbing his throbbing head. A world that was slowly regaining its proper colors and proportions.

**Well you shoved it in my face—**

He picked himself off the ground, wobbling a bit with his mind still unstable. Closing his eyes and reopening them slowly, he let his hand drop from his head and looked back to the mirror. His attention was drawn to the boy who looked back at him. It was no longer the one he loved, but the reflection of a sad boy, a broken boy. The circles under his eyes had grown darker and his face held a trail in which tears had trekked during the attack.

**The pain you gave to me**

His body was shaking, but only subtle now. He was much calmer and his breathing was returning to its normal rate. Still, he looked as if he held little to no life in his body. He held up a hand, looking its fragile and pale image over. He was never like this before. How could he have become so weak because of one person? He wracked his brain for an answer, but none came to him.

**Nobody told me what you thought—**

He went to the doorknob, putting the hand he had been examining to it and turning it, unlocking it and opening it to the rest of the house.

**Nobody told me what to say—**

He took a step out of the bathroom, realizing something didn't feel right.

**Everyone showed you where to turn—**

He reached up to his head, touching a soft spot and pulling his hand back quickly.

**Showed you when to run away—**

He looked to his finger, and the sparkling red on it. Realizing that during his seizure he had fallen, this came of little surprise that he was bleeding. He wondered why he hadn't noticed it in the mirror, as the doorbell rang and his head snapped to the door.

**Nobody showed you where to hide—**

He walked to the door slowly, still dizzy, and his vision still blurred.

**Nobody told you what to say—**

The person outside was shuffling, walking back and forth, once even walking away before stopping, thinking it over, and returning to the door.

**Everyone showed you where to turn—**

He reached the doorknob, turning it, a tiny red river shimmering down his face like tears through his eye and down his cheek as the door opened.

**Showed you when to run away—**

The person was turned away, attempting to run again as the door opened to him, letting sunlight that had somehow come out after the rain before, into the house. A resonating voice filled the inside of the house. "Ken-kun?"

**Can you take it all away—**

**Can you take it all away—**

Ken had fallen to the floor, his vision blurred once more. The other boy caught him, holding onto him as he hit the carpet in the entryway. "I-I'm so weak…" A small smile caught his lips, as he still could not see the boy holding him. "Such a loss…m-my weakness is." The other, worry-stricken, held the once evil Kaiser to his chest, wiping off some of the blood with his sleeve.

**Can you take away the pain?—**

Ken looked up, eyes welling up again with his weakness. "Take away the pain…" The other boy smiled and held the sleeve tight to the wound to soak up the blood. "I will…with time Ken-kun. Don't worry koi…I will." And the light suddenly filtered onto his face as Ken's eyes widen as much as they could through his pain.

"Daisuke…"

And all was black once again.

_**This pain you gave to me…**_


End file.
